How to ask someone for a reference, with messages you can copy

The short answer. Ask someone who has seen your work up close, ask before you need it and make it easy for them to say yes or no. Tell them the role you are going for, what you would like them to speak about and how much of their time it will take. A short, specific message on the channel you normally use with them works better than a formal letter.

Who to ask

Pick people who can give an example of your work, not people with the biggest title.

A manager you reported to. The most useful reference there is, as long as they worked with you closely.
A peer. Someone who shipped the same project and saw how you handle a bad week.
Someone who reported to you. If you have led people, their view is the one a hiring manager cannot get anywhere else.
A client or a partner. Someone outside your company who depended on your work.

An HR contact can confirm your dates and designation. They usually cannot say what you were like to work with, so they are a poor choice for a reference.

Aim for three people. That is the number most recruiters ask for.

When to ask

Ask while the work is fresh. The end of a project, the week after an appraisal and the day either of you moves on are all good moments.

In India most people cannot ask their current manager without giving away a job search. That is normal and recruiters know it. Ask a former manager, a peer you trust or a manager who has already left the company. A manager who has moved on is still your manager for that period. Only their email address has changed. We have a separate guide on who to ask when your manager has left.

What to say

A good ask has four parts: the ask itself, why you chose them, what it involves and an easy way to say no.

On WhatsApp

Hi Meera, hope you are doing well. I am applying for product roles and would like to name you as a reference. You saw my work on the onboarding project more closely than anyone. It would mean a short call or a few written lines if a recruiter asks. Completely fine if now is not a good time. Would you be open to it?

By email

Subject: Would you be a reference for me?

Hi Rajesh,

I hope things are going well at the new place. I am applying for senior analyst roles and I would like to name you as a reference.

We worked together for two years on the retail accounts. You know how I handle clients and deadlines better than most people. If you agree, a recruiter may call or email you in the next few weeks. It should take about ten minutes.

I have attached my current resume so you can see what I am applying for. If you would prefer not to, I will understand completely.

Thank you, Aarav

On LinkedIn, to someone you have not spoken to in a while

Hi Priya, it has been a while. I still think about the launch we pulled off in 2023. I am looking for my next role and wondered if you would be willing to be a reference for me. Happy to share the details on a quick call. No pressure at all if the timing is wrong.

Make it easy for them

Once someone says yes, send them three things.

Your current resume.
The kind of role you are applying for.
Two or three things you hope they can speak about, with the project each one comes from.

Do not write their answer for them. A reference that sounds like you wrote it helps nobody. If they ask what to say, send them our guide on how to write a reference for a colleague.

Tell them when a call is likely, so it does not land in the middle of a meeting. Recruiters in India often call without warning.

If they do not reply or say no

Follow up once, after about a week. Then leave it. People are busy and silence is rarely personal.

If someone says no, thank them and move on. A lukewarm reference does more harm than no reference at all.

Afterwards

Thank them and tell them how it ended. People like to know whether their word helped. You may need to ask again in three years.

Where GoodWord fits and where it does not

If you would like to ask once and reuse the answer, GoodWord sends each person a short questionnaire and turns what they write into one report you can send with every application. Your referees answer once, in about 5 minutes. They are not called by every recruiter.

It does not replace a formal letter on company letterhead. Some universities, government bodies and visa applications ask for exactly that. For those you still need the letter. This guide explains which document is which.